I Love You More

Alright, so i'm trying to stay a little more focused. And most importantly, positive. My mother is in the operating room right now as we speak. She is getting 3 operations.

i am going down next weekend to be with her. My brother and sister won't be there, which usually helps, psychologically because i can vent with them and have them there for moral support since we are all 3 going through the same thing with the same mother. I'll have my best friend there, which is a big support system and I am so thankful she is in Miami. but it will be a difficult weekend. My mother will be recuperating from her operations, going through treatments like chemo and physical therapy for some of her operations.

I'm trying to figure out a tactic to keep from crying around her.

i remember when she first got operated for breast cancer, i went to visit her at the hospital after the operation. My brother and sister walked outside and i sat in a chair next to my mom's bed. The chair was positioned in such a way that I was behind her so she could not see my face. As i sat there looking at her, as she was falling asleep from the morphine she suddenly reached out her right hand to hold mine. And i held it. She said, "i love you" and i said "i love you more"

i tried really hard to keep my cool but inevitably began to cry - quietly. She doesn't know i cried, but i felt bad because i wasn't being strong like my sister and brother were. i felt i was being weak for having begun to cry. But, i could not help it.

the point was that i was there, and she knew it.